


imagine this

by av_versiera



Series: 'till death do us part (senju tobirama/reader, you) [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Original Character(s), What Ifs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27600449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/av_versiera/pseuds/av_versiera
Summary: In which Tobirama ponders about what his life has amounted to, if what he has done and all of his accomplishments were enough.OrWhat happens if he makes it from his last fight, and comes home to the news of his unborn child. Life, as it is, ensues.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character(s), Senju Tobirama/Reader
Series: 'till death do us part (senju tobirama/reader, you) [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970128
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	imagine this

_Imagine this_. 

Tobirama closes his eyes and he searches for your chakra signature. It flares strongly, even more than usual, and despite being close to his death, he takes comfort that you are alive and well. His words of telling you not to mourn him can only do so much, he knows this well. He did not realize that he would be taken from your side this early on in life. 

He does not feel pain anymore. 

As someone who has lived through many wars and deaths, he wonders if all the work he has done, all the fights he has won, he wonders what they equate to. Is he just a blip in time? Will he be remembered for his transgressions, or the accomplishments that he made and paid for by blood and many sleepless nights? Will he be known for his militaristic rule and policies, or be overshadowed by his brother’s abilities and be named something less? 

At the time of his dying, he finds that he could care less. He only worries for you and what his death will mean to you. The village will be okay. He has trained his successor well, has raised him to be a fine shinobi, and under his care, the village will thrive. He hopes. He knows that Hiruzen is too young, but he is the only capable shinobi who can protect his village and lay down his life for it, no questions asked.

  
  


His eyes go to the sky, and for the life of him, he has never seen the sky like this. It is not supposed to be beautiful, not when he’s dying, but now that everything is finally coming into a stop, he finds that it is okay for him to finally admire the beauty of nature. That it is okay to feel at peace, and accept all the love that you have given him, because he knows all too well how much you have given him. 

He never had time–he felt as if time was always working against him, and no matter how fast he is, time is a god that he can never contend with. He is and will always be a human being that will die in the end. 

He is Senju Tobirama, Second Hokage. Master delegator, inventor, advisor, a brilliant tactician, teacher. 

But to you, he is Senju Tobirama. Your husband, your companion for life. 

  
  


His vision clouds with blurred faces, but for a moment, he is allowed a moment of clarity. 

Hiruzen, the new appointed Hokage, comes into view. He did not expect for any of them to come back for him. 

  
  


Tobirama feels a hand grasp his, and he turns to his student. “Tell her...that I am both thankful...and sorry.” 

  
  


His vision blanks, but he hears his student heeding his request. As for his last breath, he spends it feeling your chakra, despite being miles away. 

_Imagine this_. He tells you, even if you will never know. 

  
  


//

  
  


It could be worse, you think. 

When they brought Tobirama in, he was worse for wear. The good thing was, he is still conscious. He is not belligerent, and he lets his students carry him to the hospital to start the healing process. 

Nervously, you follow them and you try to hold in the queasiness that is rocking your stomach. Subconsciously, you bring a hand to your stomach, as if it will help calm it. 

You wait around, eating whatever Tobirama’s students bring you to eat and fighting hard to not throw it back up. 

You must be sick, you reckon, but you know that this is not true. You have noticed how you tire easily these days, and how moody you are even though some situations do not require intense emotions. You also notice how you get sick around certain smells, and you are sensitive to the slightest change in temperature. You feel bloated, even though you cannot keep down any foods that you used to eat. 

You are afraid to say it, because you do not want to hope for more, especially with what happened in the past with your miscarriage. 

  
  


But days of waiting for Tobirama to heal, of going through many tiring routines, the tiny life inside you continues to grow strong, and you are sure that it will be okay. 

  
  


//

  
  


After almost a month of recuperating, Tobirama is chained to his bed–figuratively, of course. He does not seem eager to get back on his feet, which is a first. He always disregards his own health and feels the need to jump at any chance to work, but for now, he stays still under your vigilance. You are finally alone with him, and you take his hand into yours. 

Tobirama looks at you, in the same way that he always does. Even when he’s angry, or scowling at something that displeases him, all of that goes away when he finally finds your face. 

“You do not look well,” Tobirama hoarsely grunts out. 

  
  


You let out a small chuckle. “Speak for yourself.” 

Tobirama squeezes your hand strongly. “I told you not to worry.”

You roll your eyes, finding it in you to be a little bit more playful. “No, you said, _do not mourn me_.” You try your best to impersonate him. 

  
  


Tobirama scowls and gives you a pointed look, but his touch on your hand remains tender. 

  
  


“Tobi,” you whisper, unsure how to begin. 

Tobirama stares at you, waiting patiently for you to gather your thoughts. 

“I’m with child,” you tell him, cutting to the chase. 

  
  


You look to your husband’s face and you see a light of wonder spread across his eyes, and then the faint softening of the rest of his face. 

  
  


“Oh,” he says, rendered speechless. It is probably one of the least things he expects right now.

  
  


You smile faintly and you bring your entwined hands to your lips. “You will be a father.” 

Tobirama lets out a faint rush of air that sounds akin to a laugh. “And you, a mother.” 

  
  


//

  
  


When Tobirama got discharged from the hospital, it is surprising that he does not immediately throw himself to work. He insists that you consult with a doctor to make sure that everything is progressing well with your pregnancy, and by insist, you mean, _command_. You follow at his behest, and you wonder if the rest of your pregnancy will be full of Tobirama worrying more than enough for the two of you. 

Well, he does have a reason to. 

  
  


He waits as patiently as he could, making the doctor examining you work nervously. 

However, you know there is no budging him. 

  
  


“Alright, my lady,” the doctor says. “Your due date will be on August 13.” 

The doctor gives you more provisions, and you have no doubt that Tobirama has already memorized them. He is always better than you with these types of things, as long as they require a routine and order. 

As you walk home, Tobirama keeps close to you, not showing how fatigued he is and instead, trying to show you that he can fight anyone who dares harm you. 

  
  


“Tobirama, calm down,” you tell him right when you step into the four walls of your home. 

You know that he is checking and rechecking the chakras surrounding you, in case anyone tries to do something. 

“You, sit down,” Tobirama commands. “I will ask the servants to make you something, and you will sleep right after.”

“Right after?” You retort, because you really cannot help it. “At least let my food digest for an hour or two.”

Tobirama thinks about this, and then concedes. “Fine, but you will not tire yourself and move around. You will stay in bed.” 

  
  


You roll your eyes, but there is a smile on your face. “Right, okay.” 

Tobirama meets your gaze, making sure to reaffirm his words, and then he makes way to find the servants. 

  
  


“Dammit, Tobirama,” you say to yourself, out of affection and amusement. 

  
  


//

  
  


Tobirama will not even let you walk around the streets of Konoha, not unless he is near you, because one, you might fall, or two, somebody tries to attack you–all his reasonable reasons, of course. So, no walking and shopping anymore. You also cease your work to help your husband, and instead, you are cooped at home, poring over books and poems and other dry manuscripts you happen to get your hands on. If it is not available at home, Tobirama brings it to you. 

As your womb grows, your moods swing like a pendulum. One moment, you are giving Tobirama the silent treatment because he didn’t even massage you, the next you feel like you’re about to cry because has not even glanced at you or offered to carry you from the bathroom to the bed. 

You honestly do not understand it, because you have always been the less moody one. You feel ashamed that you are acting up, but Tobirama does not complain and takes every brunt of your unpredictable pregnancy with a steady grace and stride that you have always known he is capable of. 

  
  


Tobirama is a problem-solver, so he always takes action and he starts to make concessions for you. He also scolds you more than usual, mostly due to his fear that some ridiculous situation is about to happen to you. He also comes home earlier than his earlier usual to care for you, and this side of him, you wish you can get more of. 

He always manages to surprise you. Much to your chagrin, it is probably because he does not reveal all of his cards right away. It’s like a mission, where one has to meet all kinds of tasks in order to get the reward and receive a bigger mission that is a level up from the previous one. 

It is quite funny, that Tobirama never loses this side of him, even towards his domestic life. 

  
  


//

  
  


You feel your baby kicking one night, when you are reading and humming to yourself. The sensation startles you and you shout Tobirama’s name in panic. 

Your husband is at your side in no time, hounding on you with concern. He studies you carefully, his eyes on full alert. 

“What is it?” He puts his hands on your womb and he looks so alarmed, that it is almost endearing to you.

“I...there was…” You look down and when your baby kicks again, you realize that there is nothing wrong. 

Tobirama notices the kicking as well, and he immediately froze. 

  
  


You try not to cry as you put your hands on top of your husband’s. “Can you say something? I was just humming and your baby kicked me.” 

  
  


Tobirama looks quite horrified. 

“What?” You urge him. “It’s okay, the baby’s fine. The doctor said that it’s bound to happen, I was just surprised.”

  
  


Tobirama lowers himself and he stares at your womb focusedly. “Really?” 

“Yes, we’re okay. So talk to your child now, let them know you’re here.”

  
  


Tobirama keeps staring, and you see his gears turning. “I do not know what to say.” 

“Try.” 

Tobirama caresses your womb with his thumbs. “This is your father…” 

  
  


You laugh, and Tobirama glares at you, but there is no malice. 

  
  


“Don’t bother your mother too much,” Tobirama continues, but sternly. You detect a hint of shaking in his voice. 

You raise your eyebrows. “Firstborn child and that’s what you say to them?” 

“What am I supposed to say?” Tobirama snaps, agitated. 

“Calm down!” You chuckle. “One might have thought you’re the pregnant one here.”

Tobirama clenches his jaw, and you know he is embarrassed. 

  
  


“Firstborn?” He repeats, dumbfounded. 

You shrug. “Well, you know, trial number one right here on the way. If it goes well, maybe you’d want another one so it doesn’t get lonely.”

  
  


Tobirama frowns. “My children are not experiments.” And he glances down at your womb again. “And don’t call them ‘it.’” 

You chuckle, and you squeeze his hands. “Fine, fine. You’re so meticulous.” 

  
  


Tobirama smiles softly, and then he stands up. He gives you a forehead kiss, and then sternly ushers you to go to sleep. 

You do not even complain about it. 

  
  


//

  
  


“Here is a list of names,” Tobirama says flatly, as if he’s negotiating the terms on a treaty. “Tell me which ones you like the best.” 

  
  


You look down at the parchment displayed in front of you on your dining table. You stare at him, unimpressed with your hand around a spoon. It is like he is about to start a business meeting.

Tobirama retrieves it, probably feeling a little bad, and you realize that he is just as eager about naming your firstborn child. You sigh, and you hold up your hand. 

“Give it,” you command this time. 

Tobirama watches your face, looking for clues if you do not mean it. 

  
  


“Tobirama,” you call him. 

  
  


Tobirama hands you the list again, and you go over it. 

The names listed here are few, but they are well thought of. 

“So?” Tobirama asks, and he sounds eager, if you ignore his face betraying his emotions. 

  
  


You go over the names again, lingering on each one to see which one resonates with you more. 

“I don’t know,” you tell him. “I have to meet our baby first.” 

  
  


Tobirama is silent as he reaches for the list. “You are right.” 

You refuse to give up the list. “Do you think you’ll have a son or a daughter?” 

  
  


Tobirama lowers his hand and grabs his chopsticks instead. “I hope for a child that takes after you more.” 

“So it doesn’t matter?” 

Tobirama shrugs. “Either way, they will be raised by us to be a good shinobi and a good citizen to this village.” 

You nod, but only glumly. 

  
  


“You do not want them raised like that?” 

  
  


“Well, I do not know. I want them to, so that they can fight for themselves. But I want them to have a choice,” you explain. “You and your brother founded this village so that children can be raised safely, so that they can be given more. I want them to know that life isn’t all about war.”

  
  


Tobirama looks down at his food. He had his share of war and fighting, but he is not a fool and he will not let any of his children be raised in ignorance. “Fair point, but I am inclined to disagree–they have to be raised as a shinobi.” 

“I know, I am not saying they would _not_ be, but we have to let them choose their life too.” You roll your eyes, but you know that the two of you can talk about it some more later. “I bet, in no time, they will want to take after your footsteps.”

“The child is not born yet. Do not assume.” 

“Hm-hm. Pretty soon you will get a taste of your medicine. I just know it.” 

  
  


Tobirama seems to be happy about that, and the two of you spend the rest of breakfast in comfortable silence. 

  
  


//

  
  


It is lunch time, and Tobirama is taking a break off from work to walk you around the hallways of the Hokage tower. You know that tensions between several shinobi villages are arising again, and you know that his attention should be somewhere else right now, but no matter how much you reason to him that you are fine, Tobirama won’t leave you alone, especially when the due date is predicted to be tomorrow. 

It is so unlike him, but so like him at the same time. 

  
  


Years ago, you would have never believed it that you would end up with Tobirama and become the mother of his child, but here you are, carrying your baby to the full term, swelling and heavy and ready to bring them out to the world. 

After Tobirama’s work in the office, he accompanies you to the hospital, where preparations have already been made for your labor. 

Because everything is going as planned, Tobirama had few words to say. While his shoulders are tense, he tries to keep a calm face around you and he does not leave your side unless he is doing something for you. 

You feel fine, until your water broke and your contractions began. Your body is slowly being cracked open, preparing itself to bring your child into this world. You know that it was no easy job, but the fact that you are going through it now makes you nervous. As a shinobi, pain does not faze you. As a mother who is about to meet her child–well, that is another story. 

“Are you in pain?” Tobirama asks, his voice hushed. He brings his hand to your forehead and smooths back the hair from your face. 

“I’m alright, so far,” you reassure him, though the pain rivets through your body. “I am very uncomfortable, though.” 

Tobirama massages your forehead, unsure of what to do for you. 

  
  


“Have you told your family?” You ask him, but your breaths are quickening. 

“No," Tobirama replies. "I figured you can use the peace...my nephews and their children aren't really known for being quiet."

You chuckle lightly, but it quickly turns into a hiss. 

"What is wrong?" Tobirama queries worriedly. 

  
  


You try for a reassuring smile but it has come to the point where the pain is not abating.

"He's coming," you hiss without thinking.

"He?" Tobirama repeats. 

  
  


You cry out and you grasp on his arm. "Tobirama-" 

Tobirama's jaw tightens, and the people who are going to help with your birth come in right on time. 

Your husband does not leave your side, and takes your hard grip on his arm stoically. 

  
  


The labor goes on forever, and it makes Tobirama restless and more uneasy. He knows that everyone is doing their job as they should, but you are in pain, and it has been _hours_. His hand and his arm have gone numb from your grip, but he does not let go because you need him there. He will not walk away. 

  
  


“My lady, almost there, push!” The lead midwife urges. 

Tobirama almost loses his balance as you grip his hand with newfound strength. Your screaming is suddenly replaced with a high-pitched cry that narrows down his world. It does not register to him at first that his child is born. The cries are muddled as if he is observing from underwater, but suddenly, it shatters his dream-like wonder and he snaps back to reality. 

  
  


“Lord Nidaime, it’s a healthy baby boy!” Someone tells him, and he watches, stunned as a little child is placed on your chest, alive and just so, so small. 

The baby keeps crying, and it is so loud that Tobirama is at loss of what to do. You are also crying, and Tobirama hates to see you cry. He stares at you, not yet registering what actually happened. For all of his years of fighting, his own child’s birth was the least thing he expected to watch. 

  
  


You look to Tobirama, who is now staring at your child with a stupor that is mixed both with wonder and fear. There are not many things Tobirama fears, almost nothing can daunt him, but at this moment, Tobirama looks ready to fall to his knees. 

You smile, and you reach for his hand, which you have let go to hold your baby. You squeeze his fingers reassuringly, and finally, he looks at you. 

  
  


“Come here and hold your son,” you tell him. 

  
  


Tobirama takes his child into his arms, and you note the slight trembling of his fingers. Then, Tobirama holds your son securely into his arms and there is no sign of him letting him go in the near future. 

The Second Hokage looks down on the baby’s small and pudgy face, and an unfamiliar warmth blooms throughout his chest, and for the first time, he feels a crippling fear and a pure love that is on a whole other level. He does not know how to protect such a tiny human being, someone who is made from you and him. He will inherit every good thing he has made, and he will be the heir to all the enemies that he has made. 

This child is _his_ . His world suddenly shifts, and it is turning in a new direction. Everything he has known at this point does not contend with _his_ child.

This child is _his,_ he is now a father, and a father is not something he has foreseen for himself, or has even planned for. He did not know how to be a father either, because his own had raised him for war and he had spent his childhood protecting his siblings from him. He does not want this child to be raised like the way he was raised. He does not want to be his father. 

His son is so small, that he is afraid that his calloused hands that are used to battle might hurt him. He can be easily hurt. 

But his son is now laying quiet in his arms, asleep, probably tired from crying. 

  
  


Tobirama is rendered speechless, and he can only content himself by staring at his son. There is nothing he would not do for him, but he tries his best to put that thought at the back of his mind because letting these emotions get the best of him has him panicking. For all of his life, he has been taught to hide his heart, but now, all of the walls have faded away like dust and he is wide-open. 

Your husband looks at you, his red eyes more alive than you have seen them. 

  
  


“Thank you,” he murmurs. “And I am sorry.” 

  
  
  


//

Tobirama dies, and for all his life of pragmatism, his one and final dream dies with him. A dream of his own that he could never make happen. He spent a lifetime attending to other people’s dreams, planning them down to its last detail, and for all of his skills of making things happen in reality, of manifesting what was once a half-formed thought from his brother’s lips, there was nothing of his own he could make come true. The only things he has left in this world were his forbidden jutsus and his inventions, some that might be hidden to the public forever. In truth, he will be nothing but a face on the Hokage mountain. 

At least, in the end, he dies like a true shinobi, a fate that people like him have to meet and not question it.

At least, you are alive. 

  
  


// 

_Imagine this_ , but life, in reality, as it is, ensues. 

The cries of your newborn makes all the pain from the labor go away, and the only thing you desire in this world is to be able to hold your child. 

The baby is immediately brought to your arms after being dried and swaddled, and a new wave of tears come to your eyes. The world as you know it, is completely shaken, broken down and built new at the same time. Your child is alive, and warm, and it cries strongly. You have a son, and your son lies on your chest, and the more you hold him against you, the calmer he becomes. 

  
  


“Hi,” you sob to greet him. “It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.” 

  
  


You are not alone anymore; it is just the two of you. You take a look at his face and your heart squeezes from the newfound unconditional love that you have for your son. There is nothing in this world that you would not give to him. 

“Welcome to this world, Senju Yukihira,” you whisper, and then you bring your other hand to the side of his head. “Thank you, for being born.” 

  
  


//

  
  


The first few months were hard, and even though you and your son have the rest of the Senju clan, it really is just the two of you most of the time. The more time you spend away from them, the more you are alienated. Tobirama is dead, and as time moves on, his death only serves to sever your ties to his family. You even consider moving back to your family’s land, but you want your son to be raised in the village that his father built and be protected by it. Yukihira’s home is here, and you do not want to alienate him from his origins. 

To how much you want him to know about that, well, that is just something the two of you will have to deal with later, when his world becomes more than just his own perspective. 

  
  


Today, you bring your son around the village. No one looks at you or greets you anymore, and honestly, that is fine by you. Your world has gotten a lot smaller, and your priorities have shifted to your child. The less you are known, the dangers you have to face also narrow.

Now that you have a tiny thing with you all the time, everything has just become scarier, although one look at his face erases all the worries. The all-encompassing love you feel for him is the scariest thing, for it is the only thing that is capable of breaking you completely. 

  
  


You glance at the Hokage monument up ahead, where Hiruzen’s carved face is almost finished. 

  
  


Then, you look at Yukihira, and you see hints of Tobirama on his small, pudgy face. The shape of his eyes, and the slope of his nose, the set lips and the typical Senju handsomeness you see taking form later on–he is easily the best of you and his father. That you will make sure.

  
  


Yukihira fusses and you coo at him to settle him down. 

  
  


“It’s alright, love,” you murmur. “Do you want to meet your father?” 

Yukihira stares at you, and then when you poke his cheek, he breaks out into a smile. 

  
  


“You look so much like him,” you comment with amusement. 

Yukihira giggles, as if he begs to differ. Or maybe he is pleased with the comparison.

  
  


You sigh, and you continue on your way, but then stop again when your baby starts to fuss. 

  
  


“What, you want me to talk about him some more?” 

Yukihira starts to gurgle and you rock him gently. 

  
  


“Fine, fine.” 

  
  


You glance back at the Hokage mountain, and you smile softly at Tobirama’s face, even if it is stone cold and downright intimidating. It is a comfort, that even in death, he remains a steadfast presence. 

  
  


_You would have never imagined this_ , you say to him in your mind, feeling light-hearted for the first time in a while. 

You look at your child and you start talking about his father again, and for now, with him in your arms, all is right in the world. 

  
  


END.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> gods i love how i wrote this LMFAOOOOOO if you shed one tear, my goal was accomplished. if not. well you might be a sadist too (;
> 
> the name "Yukihira" depending on the kanji means: "yuki" fortune "hira" ordinary?/flat; or "yuki" snow and "hira" forever and ever." there are more meanings, but these are the meanings that i like most lols. "yuki" can also mean conqueror which I also really like.
> 
> anyways, this is the 2nd or 3rd to the last of this series; buckle up ?
> 
> will edit later lols i finished writing this at like 3am soooo


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